Conflict and appreciation: an interesting pair! There are people, who when feeling threatened, are going to try to get you to show your appreciation for them, because they have a need for attention. Lots and lots of attention sometimes! Brinkman and Kirschner describe this behavior as requiring “a higher level of assertiveness and a people focus, in order to be seen, heard, and recognized.” p.19
I write this with a genuine affinity for these types of people … because I am one! However, I’m not ready to reveal exactly what I do in conflict just yet. Watch the video first!
So, now you know the three types of people who make the interesting pair of conflict and appreciation, because all they want is to get appreciated, because they need attention.
A THINK-THEY-KNOW-IT-ALL is assertive and knows just enough about a subject to talk about it. Restate their comments enthusiastically … it grants them the attention they need.
A GRENADE blows up, loses emotional control, and even throws temper tantrums. Use their name with the goal to grab their attention and let their adrenaline subside before trying to discuss.
A FRIENDLY SNIPER teases, acts playful, and uses sarcasm. Don’t take it personally. Instead, focus on the fact insecurity may be causing the behavior.
Okay, here it is. I am most likely to be a GRENADE or a FRIENDLY SNIPER when feeling threatened. When my GRENADE comes out I am prone to something I call verbal vomit. It’s not a pretty phrase and neither are the words falling out of my mouth that seemingly have nothing to do with the issue at hand. When my FRIENDLY SNIPER acts up, my laser sharp sarcasm is unleashed, and although I may find it humorous, not everyone else in the room does. The value in knowing this about myself is that I can detect when I’m losing my personal power and do something about it before combat ensues.
Now, go out there and practice the tips when you find conflict and appreciation are together.